1 00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005 [♪] 2 00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 3 00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 4 00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320 ♪ go together like ♪ 5 00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789 ♪ a horse and carriage ♪ 6 00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793 ♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪ 7 00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729 ♪ you can't have one ♪ 8 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632 ♪ without the other ♪ 9 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 10 00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 11 00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938 ♪ it's an institute ♪ 12 00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340 ♪ you can't disparage ♪ 13 00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111 ♪ ask the local gentry ♪ 14 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649 ♪ and they will say it's elementary ♪ 15 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453 ♪ try, try, try to separate them ♪ 16 00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157 ♪ it's an illusion ♪ 17 00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295 ♪ try, try, try and you will only come ♪ 18 00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732 ♪ to this conclusion ♪ 19 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834 ♪ love and marriage ♪ 20 00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:31,690 Kelly, are you going out 21 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,859 Walking by construction sites again? 22 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,460 Because if you are, give me five minutes. 23 00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:39,130 I'll put on something cute and come join you. 24 00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:41,632 No, mom, this is my valentine's day outfit. 25 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:44,669 See, all the guys are down at the mall, 26 00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:45,704 You know, waiting for me 27 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,105 To give me their cards and candy 28 00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,306 And other gifts of their devotion, 29 00:01:48,307 --> 00:01:49,808 So I'll be taking the laundry bag. 30 00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:51,042 You don't need it, do you? 31 00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:53,311 Nah. It's mostly decorative. 32 00:01:53,312 --> 00:01:57,348 Gee, I sure hope bud gets a valentine this year. 33 00:01:57,349 --> 00:01:58,850 So does he. 34 00:01:58,851 --> 00:02:00,651 He's got about as much chance 35 00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,320 Of getting a valentine 36 00:02:02,321 --> 00:02:05,456 As I do of getting an "a." 37 00:02:09,995 --> 00:02:13,464 Ladies...Kelly. 38 00:02:22,007 --> 00:02:25,509 Yup, this is going to be my special day. 39 00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:27,011 Any girls call me? 40 00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:29,513 Yup. They call you geek, dork, 41 00:02:29,514 --> 00:02:31,515 And hairy palms. 42 00:02:31,516 --> 00:02:33,684 That was the old bud. 43 00:02:33,685 --> 00:02:35,153 This year, I'm hot. 44 00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:37,455 See, in the past, I haven't been interested in girls. 45 00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:41,826 Seeing kelly in the morning can do that to a guy. 46 00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:46,631 No, but this year, I threw around a few winks, 47 00:02:46,632 --> 00:02:49,467 Let it be known I'm accepting valentines, 48 00:02:49,468 --> 00:02:51,469 So they should be rolling in. 49 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,971 Won't they, mom? 50 00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,974 Sure, they will, son. 51 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,508 But not for you. 52 00:02:57,509 --> 00:03:00,912 Well, I'm off to the mall. 53 00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:02,480 Hey, kel, I see you're wearing 54 00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:04,048 Your "love me for my mind" outfit again. 55 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,588 I hate valentine's day in the shoe store. 56 00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:13,091 Every fat woman in chicago hippos in 57 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:16,761 Wanting pink pumps. 58 00:03:16,762 --> 00:03:18,429 They think it makes them look sexy, 59 00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,131 As if anyone could see the shoes 60 00:03:20,132 --> 00:03:22,801 Over the bulging flesh of their ankles. 61 00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,435 Good morning, al. 62 00:03:24,436 --> 00:03:25,703 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 63 00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:32,610 So, honey, you want anything special 64 00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:34,279 For valentine's day? 65 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,215 Yeah, but she's wrestling in the mud, 66 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:38,716 And I'm just living there. 67 00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:40,218 [doorbell rings] 68 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,719 Who the hell could that be? 69 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,055 Well, it's valentine's day. Maybe it's cupid. 70 00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:46,557 No, he'd never show his face around here again 71 00:03:46,558 --> 00:03:48,326 After making this match. 72 00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:50,228 Hi, al. 73 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:53,564 You know, all you have to do is walk outside, look around. 74 00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:55,200 You just know it's valentine's day. 75 00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:56,367 What do you want? 76 00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:57,468 Al, I need a favor. 77 00:03:58,971 --> 00:04:00,905 Uh, peggy, I need a favor. 78 00:04:00,906 --> 00:04:03,308 I need someplace to hide marcie's present. 79 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,910 Oh, gee, steve, what is it? 80 00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,912 You know, having al for a husband, 81 00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:10,414 I've always wondered, what do husbands 82 00:04:10,415 --> 00:04:13,584 Give their wives for valentine's day? 83 00:04:13,585 --> 00:04:16,054 Well, this isn't a fair example. 84 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,422 See, for us, it's not just valentine's day. 85 00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,191 It's our first anniversary. 86 00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:22,927 Oh, al... 87 00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:26,898 Leave me alone. 88 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:29,700 Yes, well, uh, would you hide this for me? 89 00:04:29,701 --> 00:04:34,272 Sure. I'll hide it upstairs. 90 00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,041 Let me save you some wear and tear 91 00:04:37,042 --> 00:04:38,977 On your nails and teeth. 92 00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,879 See, the first anniversary is paper, 93 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,881 And since paper isn't all that romantic, 94 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,216 I got her tickets for two to hawaii. 95 00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:47,818 Oh, now, please don't tell her. I want it to be a surprise. 96 00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:50,721 Don't worry. I can keep a secret. 97 00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:52,723 Oh, by the way, al, 98 00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:55,559 That little rubber doughnut you ordered came in yesterday. 99 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,262 Al's got 'rhoids, you know. 100 00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:07,071 Well, you're obviously sitting pretty. 101 00:05:07,072 --> 00:05:09,040 So, what are you getting peggy 102 00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,608 For valentine's day? 103 00:05:10,609 --> 00:05:12,576 Fur, jewels, a car? 104 00:05:12,577 --> 00:05:15,579 If it was only that easy. 105 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:19,250 I'm going to have sex with her. 106 00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:21,252 It's kind of a tradition. 107 00:05:21,253 --> 00:05:24,255 Every valentine's day, I climb those stairs, 108 00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:26,925 You know, walk the last mile, and, uh... 109 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:31,862 Slam-dunk her one. 110 00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:33,264 It's a spin through hell for me, 111 00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:35,099 But she seems to like it. 112 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,368 I only pray that after 16 years, 113 00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:38,602 Marcie and I will have 114 00:05:38,603 --> 00:05:41,705 That kind of magic between us. 115 00:05:41,706 --> 00:05:43,441 Steve, if it was magic, 116 00:05:43,442 --> 00:05:45,709 I could do it from down here in front of the tv. 117 00:05:58,390 --> 00:06:00,425 [doorbell rings] 118 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,725 Hi, peggy. 119 00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:03,727 I waited till steve left home. 120 00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:05,229 I need your help. 121 00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:08,032 What can I get him for our anniversary? 122 00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:12,236 Well, don't get him two tickets to hawaii. 123 00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:16,341 That's what he got you. It's a surprise. 124 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:20,244 He got me tickets to hawaii? 125 00:06:20,245 --> 00:06:21,745 Damn him! 126 00:06:21,746 --> 00:06:25,249 He's so irritating, getting me the perfect gift. 127 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:28,752 Now I have to get him something just as great. 128 00:06:28,753 --> 00:06:31,489 What a weenie. God, I hate him. 129 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:34,725 Sure you do. He's your husband. 130 00:06:34,726 --> 00:06:35,860 Yeah, well, 131 00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:38,196 I still have to find him something really good-- 132 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:41,532 Something personal, something romantic, 133 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,034 Something that symbolizes 134 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:45,970 The depth and purity of our relationship. 135 00:06:45,971 --> 00:06:49,073 You could jump naked out of a cake. 136 00:06:49,074 --> 00:06:51,142 Yeah. That says it all! 137 00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:52,543 But who would know 138 00:06:52,544 --> 00:06:55,013 Where to find something so kinky? 139 00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:58,883 Cakes a poppin'. 140 00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:01,886 Just ask for leif. Here's their number. 141 00:07:01,887 --> 00:07:04,889 Oh, and when you pay, have them stamp my card. 142 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,392 Two more, I get one free. 143 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:08,893 I'll do it. 144 00:07:08,894 --> 00:07:11,396 I know. The cake can say, 145 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:13,264 "take me. I'm yours." 146 00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:14,732 Steve will love it. Thanks, peg. 147 00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:18,002 So, do you know what al's getting you? 148 00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,905 Oh, yeah. Same thing he gets me every year. 149 00:07:20,906 --> 00:07:23,674 He's going to slam-dunk me a quick one. 150 00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:28,913 Of course, those are his words. 151 00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:29,914 I mean, in reality, 152 00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:34,419 It's more like a foul shot. 153 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:39,090 You know, he takes a deep breath and scores. 154 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,258 Sure, it's worth a point, 155 00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:43,561 But it will never make the highlight reel. 156 00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:47,798 It's like your honeymoon never ended. 157 00:07:47,799 --> 00:07:49,800 But as long as he tells you he loves you, 158 00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:51,369 I guess that's all that really matters. 159 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,104 Actually, al says, 160 00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:57,208 "there. That should hold you." 161 00:07:57,209 --> 00:07:58,709 But you know al. You know, 162 00:07:58,710 --> 00:08:01,212 He just has difficulty saying certain things, 163 00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:03,714 Like "I love you," "thank you," 164 00:08:03,715 --> 00:08:06,917 And "look out. There's a car coming." 165 00:08:06,918 --> 00:08:10,388 Oh, bunk. You live in this hovel, 166 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:13,391 You bore him those two awful children, 167 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:16,294 And he can't even tell you he loves you? 168 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:17,895 I've heard him say "I love the cubs." 169 00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:18,896 "I'd love a beer." 170 00:08:18,897 --> 00:08:21,432 "I'd love it if you leave, marcie." 171 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:22,467 Face it, peggy. 172 00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:24,702 This man's no stranger to the word "love." 173 00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:28,172 Oh, it doesn't matter. I mean, I know he loves me. 174 00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:29,673 He doesn't say it, 175 00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:32,676 And it would be nice to hear it once in a while, 176 00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:34,178 But it's no big deal. 177 00:08:34,179 --> 00:08:36,581 I mean, he does so many other wonderful things for me. 178 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:40,118 He, uh... 179 00:08:41,686 --> 00:08:43,287 Hi, mom. 180 00:08:43,288 --> 00:08:46,457 Kelly, what does your father do for me? 181 00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:50,861 Well, he... 182 00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,597 Daddy? 183 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,697 Nevermind. 184 00:08:53,698 --> 00:08:55,199 Where's your brother? 185 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,734 Oh, he's standing by the mailbox, 186 00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:58,202 Waiting for a valentine. 187 00:08:58,203 --> 00:08:59,703 I haven't got the heart 188 00:08:59,704 --> 00:09:01,705 To remind him it's Sunday. 189 00:09:01,706 --> 00:09:04,242 Well, just in case he doesn't get one this year, 190 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:06,477 I want you to go easy on him, okay? 191 00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:07,878 Come on, mom. We both know 192 00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,713 That bud's an obnoxious, ratlike creature, 193 00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:12,716 But it doesn't mean I don't love him. 194 00:09:12,717 --> 00:09:13,851 He knows that. 195 00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,386 How does he know that? 196 00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:16,320 I tell him. 197 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,757 Well, has he ever told you? 198 00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:20,958 Oh, sure. You got to. 199 00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:22,560 I mean, it kind of takes the edge 200 00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,328 Off things like this... 201 00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:32,069 Oh, bud. It's Sunday. 202 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:35,239 There's no mail on Sunday. 203 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,575 Happy valentine's day. 204 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:41,912 No! 205 00:09:41,913 --> 00:09:45,550 Love him? You betcha. 206 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:48,085 Hey, peg. How come when I said, "hi, bud," 207 00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:50,288 He said, "I don't need your pity"? 208 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,124 You don't really want to know, do you? 209 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:57,562 Nope. 210 00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:02,733 What time is dinner rearing its ugly head? 211 00:10:02,734 --> 00:10:04,569 Soon, honey. 212 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,738 By the way... I love you, al. 213 00:10:07,739 --> 00:10:11,041 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 214 00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:13,578 Look, peg, I know you're anxiously awaiting 215 00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:17,014 Your valentine sex-a-rama... 216 00:10:17,015 --> 00:10:18,616 So here's the plan. 217 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,318 I can slide you in 218 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:21,319 Between the bulls- pistons game 219 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,054 And the rifleman. 220 00:10:24,055 --> 00:10:26,657 Gee, there's about four or five commercials 221 00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:28,125 In between them. 222 00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:30,894 Are we going to do it twice? 223 00:10:30,895 --> 00:10:32,162 Peg, remember, 224 00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:36,300 A smart mouth is a lonely mouth. 225 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,168 You know, al, this year, 226 00:10:38,169 --> 00:10:40,504 I was hoping for something different. 227 00:10:40,505 --> 00:10:47,010 Uh-uh, peg. The socks stay on. 228 00:10:47,011 --> 00:10:50,013 No, al. This year, instead of sex, 229 00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:51,682 I want you to tell me you love me. 230 00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:00,924 What if I do take the socks off? 231 00:11:00,925 --> 00:11:02,393 I'm serious, al. I want to hear it. 232 00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:03,394 Yeah, right. 233 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,595 Well, listen, peg. 234 00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:06,063 I'm going to go upstairs and wash up, 235 00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:07,598 But just to show you 236 00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:09,800 How really special you are to me, 237 00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:13,738 Tonight I'm going to kiss you. 238 00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:21,646 Well, mom, I've got all my cards in this bag. 239 00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:24,515 Now, instead of dating all the guys in here, 240 00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:26,850 Which last year proved to be almost impossible, 241 00:11:26,851 --> 00:11:28,686 This year, I'm going to pick one lucky guy 242 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,220 To represent all of my admirers. 243 00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:31,289 Doesn't matter who it is. 244 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,623 This is the one day 245 00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:33,624 Everyone has a fair chance, 246 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:37,762 So pick one for me. 247 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:38,763 Josh. 248 00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:44,201 He's really ugly. Pick again. 249 00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:46,069 Sheldon? 250 00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:50,441 Okay, give me the bag. 251 00:11:50,442 --> 00:11:52,743 Okay. 252 00:11:52,744 --> 00:11:56,647 Pick the red one with the star. 253 00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:57,981 Johnny. 254 00:11:57,982 --> 00:12:00,017 Oh, what luck. The cutest guy in school. 255 00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:02,553 Oh, you sure know how to pick a man. 256 00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,159 Well, all my valentines finally came in. 257 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,561 I'm going upstairs to open them. 258 00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:13,063 [bottles clanking] 259 00:12:13,064 --> 00:12:15,566 Sounds kind of like pop bottles. 260 00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:16,967 Well, they're not. 261 00:12:16,968 --> 00:12:18,469 They're paper. 262 00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:19,637 [clank] 263 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,138 Uh, you know, bud... 264 00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:23,106 You're my valentine. 265 00:12:23,107 --> 00:12:28,346 Wow. Wait till I go tell the guys. 266 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,481 Well, speaking of losers, 267 00:12:30,482 --> 00:12:32,916 I'm going to go through these excess valentines. 268 00:12:32,917 --> 00:12:36,420 Let's see. "fairest kelly." 269 00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:41,258 "beautiful kelly." "kelly, my love. " 270 00:12:41,259 --> 00:12:42,760 "dearest bud"? 271 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,762 Yes, yes! I knew it! 272 00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:47,498 Give it here. 273 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:57,441 It's from some girl named...April may June. 274 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:59,943 She says she loves me, 275 00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:02,446 And she's coming over to see me tonight. 276 00:13:02,447 --> 00:13:04,114 Oh, that's great, honey. 277 00:13:04,115 --> 00:13:06,917 Did you write that card as a joke? 278 00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,652 No. Did you? 279 00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:11,622 Hey, you did write this, didn't you, kel? 280 00:13:11,623 --> 00:13:13,123 I mean, "April, may, June"-- 281 00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:19,062 Those are all words you know. 282 00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,265 Come on, kel, just tell me, because I've got a chance 283 00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:23,000 To go to the bulls game tonight with joey. 284 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:25,068 Gee, bud. Dilemma, dilemma. 285 00:13:25,069 --> 00:13:27,070 Do you get all dressed up, 286 00:13:27,071 --> 00:13:29,306 Stay here, and look like an idiot, 287 00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:30,441 Or go to the game, 288 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:32,410 Stand up the only date you'll ever have, 289 00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:33,544 And look like an idiot? 290 00:13:33,545 --> 00:13:35,979 Hmm. Tough one for bud. 291 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,281 Well, I'm going to got upstairs 292 00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:39,249 And get ready for my real date. 293 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,751 Did you write that, kel? 294 00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:42,252 Just say yes or no. 295 00:13:42,253 --> 00:13:43,353 No. 296 00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:44,955 Come on, kel, really, I know you did. 297 00:13:44,956 --> 00:13:46,424 Okay, yeah, I did. 298 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:49,493 Oh, no, you didn't. Really, kel? 299 00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:56,967 Okay, peg. No sense in putting off the inevitable. 300 00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:58,602 Now, the kids are upstairs, 301 00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:01,939 So we probably shouldn't do it up there, 302 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,408 What with your screaming and everything. 303 00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,777 That was your fault, al. 304 00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:09,447 You're the one who turned the lights on. 305 00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:17,822 Hey, let's not throw stones on this romantic night. 306 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:18,823 Now, it's almost time, 307 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,624 So why don't you go down to the basement, 308 00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:21,759 Blow up the air mattress? 309 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,994 I'll pop some tums and be right down. 310 00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:28,198 I want to hear it, al. 311 00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:30,100 I want to hear you say "I love you." 312 00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:32,002 Not that again. 313 00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:33,203 Okay, peg. 314 00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:35,005 Now, I know you didn't think of this yourself. 315 00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:38,408 Now, where did this come from? Phil? Oprah? 316 00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:40,377 Marcie. 317 00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:43,380 Oh, great. The only one we can't turn off. 318 00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:46,383 Al, steve and marcie not only say it, 319 00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:49,119 They mean it, and they show it. 320 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,822 Do you know what marcie's giving steve tonight? 321 00:14:51,823 --> 00:14:54,324 A running start. 322 00:14:54,325 --> 00:14:56,827 No, she went to cakes a poppin', 323 00:14:56,828 --> 00:14:58,829 And she's having herself delivered to him. 324 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,263 Then she's going to pop out naked. 325 00:15:00,264 --> 00:15:01,765 I hope you're happy, peg.. 326 00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:04,935 I'll never eat cake again. 327 00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:07,304 Al, if she can go to all that trouble for steve, 328 00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:10,140 The least you can do for me is say "I love you." 329 00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:19,717 I'm not going downstairs with you unless you say it. 330 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,452 Withholding sex from me, peg? Oh no! 331 00:15:26,457 --> 00:15:28,091 Well, I guess I'll just have to relax 332 00:15:28,092 --> 00:15:31,028 And have fun instead. 333 00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:34,031 Come on, peg. What's the big deal? 334 00:15:34,032 --> 00:15:36,099 You know I do. 335 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,535 I just don't like to say it. 336 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,937 It...Makes me sick. 337 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:42,940 Well, it doesn't make me sick to say it. 338 00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:44,441 I love you. 339 00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:46,476 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 340 00:15:46,477 --> 00:15:48,879 I'll be waiting upstairs. 341 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:58,055 Time to reach out and touch someone. 342 00:15:58,056 --> 00:16:00,490 Yeah, here we go. 343 00:16:00,491 --> 00:16:03,093 Ahem. Ahem. 344 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:12,135 Hello. Yes, I'm calling about the marcie rhoades cake. 345 00:16:12,136 --> 00:16:14,371 No, this is her husband. 346 00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:16,574 Yes, there's been a change of plans. 347 00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,443 Instead of the address she gave you... 348 00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,545 Do you have a pen? 349 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:30,287 Bud, I don't know why you're dressed like that. 350 00:16:30,288 --> 00:16:32,790 If you don't think you really have a date, 351 00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:35,292 Why did you pass up a chance to go to the game? 352 00:16:35,293 --> 00:16:37,294 Look, maybe I just wanted to spend the night 353 00:16:37,295 --> 00:16:39,797 Watching the game with my dad. 354 00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:42,132 Why? What did I do? 355 00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:44,134 Oh, by the way, dad, mom's upstairs cursing you. 356 00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:46,003 I'm late. I've got to go. 357 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,171 Wait a second. Kelly, come here a second. 358 00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:57,081 Now, you guys are, what, in your teens? 359 00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,083 Something like that, dad, yeah. 360 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,752 Well, you've known me most of those years. 361 00:17:01,753 --> 00:17:03,553 How do you think your dad feels about you? 362 00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:06,824 I mean, do you know that your dad... 363 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:08,125 Loves us? 364 00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,729 Yeah, that. You guys know that, right? 365 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:12,830 Sure. 366 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:17,034 Dad, are you dying? 367 00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:21,839 Yes, but no one seems to care. 368 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,573 So, but, I mean, 369 00:17:23,574 --> 00:17:25,776 It's not important for you to hear, uh... 370 00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,244 That you love us? 371 00:17:27,245 --> 00:17:28,411 Yes. 372 00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:31,015 Hey, you'll tell us when you're ready. 373 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:33,583 Yeah. Besides, we think it would make a nice moment 374 00:17:33,584 --> 00:17:34,752 For when you're old and feeble. 375 00:17:39,223 --> 00:17:41,125 Thank you. 376 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:47,330 I'd be getting ready if I were you, bud. 377 00:17:47,331 --> 00:17:48,766 I'm not falling for it, kel. 378 00:17:56,741 --> 00:18:00,243 Look, dad, I've got a hot date coming. 379 00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:04,414 Get out. 380 00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:07,417 But the game's on. 381 00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:08,819 Dad... 382 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,354 The way I see it, if you left now, 383 00:18:11,355 --> 00:18:13,857 It would kind of be like saying... 384 00:18:13,858 --> 00:18:16,060 You love me. 385 00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:31,274 So...How you doing? 386 00:18:33,644 --> 00:18:35,278 Aw, come on, peg. 387 00:18:35,279 --> 00:18:36,914 People shouldn't have to say it. It's unnecessary. 388 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:41,151 I haven't cheated on you. I haven't asked for my own room. 389 00:18:41,152 --> 00:18:45,255 I stayed through two kids and your hotpants phase. 390 00:18:45,256 --> 00:18:46,356 Doesn't that say it? 391 00:18:46,357 --> 00:18:48,291 No. 392 00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:52,830 Well, then...Could I have my own room? 393 00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:53,831 No! 394 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,866 Now, I want to hear it. 395 00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:56,867 Why? 396 00:18:56,868 --> 00:18:58,869 Because it's nice to know. 397 00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:00,838 Now, I'll start. I love you. 398 00:19:02,673 --> 00:19:05,342 Peg, this really makes my stomach hurt. 399 00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:07,510 Well, then, you can feel better real quick. 400 00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:08,545 Now, just say it. 401 00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:12,449 I... 402 00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,785 I have to go to the bathroom. 403 00:19:23,928 --> 00:19:25,195 Thanks, kel. 404 00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:27,164 Real funny joke. 405 00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:31,902 April may June... You're so immature. 406 00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:37,040 Well, I hope you like the itching powder in your bra. 407 00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:40,010 [doorbell rings] 408 00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,884 Hi, bud. Did you get my valentine? 409 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,252 I'm April may June. 410 00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:54,057 Yes, yes, I vaguely remember. 411 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:56,126 Come in, come in. 412 00:20:03,467 --> 00:20:06,670 So...You have quite an unusual name. 413 00:20:06,671 --> 00:20:08,538 How did you get it? 414 00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:11,541 My parents are idiots. 415 00:20:11,542 --> 00:20:13,310 We have a lot in common. 416 00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:17,114 So you want me to be your valentine, eh? 417 00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:19,149 Well, I saw you around school, 418 00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,750 And I thought you were kind of cute, 419 00:20:20,751 --> 00:20:22,619 But you never noticed me. 420 00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:24,054 You think I'm cute? 421 00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:25,689 Sure. All the girls do. 422 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:28,325 Then why did I only get one stinking valentine? 423 00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:33,163 Sorry. I meant thank you. 424 00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,500 Why are you scratching? 425 00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:39,903 It's this darn bra. 426 00:20:41,572 --> 00:20:42,739 That's better. 427 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:47,744 And don't you hate it when they ride up on you? 428 00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:53,317 Now, don't pull that upset stomach routine with me, al. 429 00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:56,320 Come out here and tell me you love me. 430 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:59,256 Are you going to tell me or not? 431 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:05,428 Okay, peg, I'm going to say it... 432 00:21:05,429 --> 00:21:07,197 But before I say it, 433 00:21:07,198 --> 00:21:09,266 I want to tell you I really hate you for this. 434 00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:16,073 I don't want to do it. I'm unhappy. 435 00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:20,277 My stomach is boiling, my palms are sweating, 436 00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:22,279 And if you think you're getting a jump after this, 437 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,513 You're sadly mistaken. 438 00:21:25,416 --> 00:21:27,617 Of course, if you had a brain in that huge head, 439 00:21:27,618 --> 00:21:29,119 You'd already know how I feel, 440 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,189 But you want to hear it, fine. This is what you want. 441 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:35,425 It's your stinking lousy valentine's day present, 442 00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:38,661 So here it is... 443 00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:40,430 I love you. 444 00:21:47,671 --> 00:21:50,607 Oh, al! 445 00:21:50,608 --> 00:21:53,076 You didn't have to say that. 446 00:21:57,815 --> 00:22:00,817 Gee, I only hope that steve and marcie 447 00:22:00,818 --> 00:22:03,820 Are as happy as we are right now. 448 00:22:03,821 --> 00:22:05,822 Well, I don't know about steve, 449 00:22:05,823 --> 00:22:10,460 But, uh, marcie's having the night of her life. 450 00:22:12,763 --> 00:22:16,566 Marcie: ♪ my funny valentine ♪ 451 00:22:16,567 --> 00:22:20,137 ♪ sweet comic valentine ♪ 452 00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:23,840 ♪ you make me smile... ♪ 453 00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:38,588 [♪]